Dear Kids of America:
Look, I know that it's "cool" to read newspapers and all your friends are doing it. But facts are facts: By the time you get to college, there won't even BE newspapers! That's why you should pick up on this "internet" tip and fast. Besides… wait. What the fuck am I doing? There aren't even any kids reading this because they're too fucking stupid to learn how to surf the web! PARENTS AND ADULTS! Can you puh-leeze show the following video to the child in your household or windowless cargo van? Thanks.
Fucking kids.