From the NYT: "Ahmed Wali Karzai, the brother of the Afghan president and a suspected player in the country’s booming illegal opium trade, gets regular payments from the Central Intelligence Agency." One less person on welfare! Woo-hoo!

Hillary Clinton arrives in Pakistan; a car bomb kills 90 people (mostly women) and wounds 160. Think the two are related?

NASA launches the world's largest rocket today, and… HOLD ON YOU GUYS! THERE'S NO ONE ON BOARD!!

This story is so fucking depressing and infuriating, I can't even talk about it.

Now the sheriff in the Balloon Boy case is in trouble, too!

Jon Gosselin (formerly of Jon & Kate Plus 8) has allegedly agreed to date the woman known as Octomom for a reality show. Cue the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

Tennis great Andre Agassi admits in his new memoir that he used crystal meth. So why did he never play in Estacada?

The Blazers win their first outing of the season against the Rockets—but UGH! It wasn't pretty.

And finally, Jon Stewart investigates former President Bush's motivational speaking series. LET'S GET MOTIVATED, YA'LL!

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