Goddamit, I'm admitting defeat. Whatever the Mercury tries to do that's a little bit wacky, the local Asian Reporter always, ALWAYS beats the pants off us. Yeah, we released a print version of the internet, but there's just no way we can match the Reporter's consistently idiosyncratic mix of local news, zany international stories and mind-boggling headlines.

So here, in deference to my favorite paper in town, is a small collection of Asian Reporter headlines and covers I've collected over the past several months. Keep up the good work, guys.