250 are arrested as police beat back and pepper spray global climate meeting protesters in Copenhagen.

President Obama wrote a personal, secret letter to North Korea's Kim Jong Il... can we assume it involved perhaps "sitting in a tree" with a little "K-I-S-S-I-N-G"?

Iran tests a new surface-to-surface missile that has the capability of reaching Europe, causing the rest of the nations to push France to the east.

In an idiot attempt to beat the Christmas rush, Democrats are gutting the health care plan. So... anybody gonna be disappointed with an empty box under the tree?

Things are looking bad for the missing hikers on Mount Hood, though rescue attempts continue.

Time Magazine gives Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke the cover as their "Person of the Year" for 2009. I give you this cover featuring a semi-nude Rihanna instead.


"Prosperity evangelist" Oral Roberts is dead at age 91. Sadly, he did not live to see this cover of a semi-nude Rihanna.


Tiger Woods is awarded AP's "Athlete of the Decade" award—probably on stamina alone! Am I right, fellas? Am I right?

Blazers beat the Kings, 95 to 88, and unsurprisingly, IT WEREN'T PRETTY.

And finally, HEY HARRY POTTER DWEEBS! (Yeah, that's you.) What happens when Hermione Granger chooses to teach at the WORST wizard school in the world? Find out in this hilarioso trailer for Dangerous Wands.