Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano says that the man who tried to blow up a plane on Christmas Day is not linked to a larger terrorist plot. But at least now he can join the "Failed Shoebomber Club."

Unfortunately, this dipshit will also cause much longer lines at airports now. Thanks a pantload, dick!

"The undignified and disruptive behavior of the rioters is no longer tolerable for our people, since they have brought undignified behaviors to new heights by offending sanctities and values...." Nope, that's not the town council in Footloose, it's Iranian official Naghavi Hosseini, calling for demonstrators to be arrested.

House Democrats are pessimistic that their support of a public option will survive negotiations with the Senate. (Psst! Slip them a couple of Benjamins!)

Ho, ho, ho—Charlie Sheen spent Christmas... in jail.

Tyra Banks is quitting her talk show!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (Okay, I'm over it.)

TMZ has allegedly obtained a photo of President John F. Kennedy cavorting on a boat filled with naked ladies! (See, Bill Clinton? THAT is how you do it!)

Note to deadbeat parents from toddler stuck behind the couch: "How about I explain HOW I got stuck behind the couch, AFTER I get unstuck from behind the fucking couch??!!"