OBAMA TO ANNOUNCE NEW SAFETY MEASURES!!! Too late for me, having lined up behind three rather tense Arab gentlemen before our trans-Atlantic flight in Amsterdam on Saturday. The experience revealed new depths of unexamined prejudice.

NEW AIRPORT SCANNERS BREAK CHILD PORN LAWS!!! The Guardian delights in the irony.

WARREN BEATTY HAS BEDDED 12,775 LADIES!!! Claims new biography.

HOUSE MOVES TOWARD GOP!!! 21 seats will swing Republican, according to the influential Rothenburg Report.

Q-TIP HEIRESS DEAD AT 30!!! Casey Johnson had been dead for days when found in Los Angeles, say police.

OBAMA OFFICE GETS A MAKEOVER!!! New portraits. New furniture.

A WAR ON AMERICA'S EDUCATED CLASS!!! Writes David Brooks.

BEYONCE SINGS FOR SON OF "TERROR-BACKING LIBYAN DICTATOR"!!! Perhaps she adapted the lyrics to Single Ladies to include the odd beating?

And of course there's plenty going on here, locally, too:

CORNETT LIKES TO BIKE!!! Bikeportland reports on Jesse Cornett's candidacy for Dan Saltzman's seat.

OREGON POLITICOS DON'T BOTHER TO VOTE!!! Although why should they? Oh...yeah...I get it.

REGISTER TO VOTE!!! Because today is the Oregon deadline. You'll find a form on the wrap of this week's Mercury, excuse-maker.

OBJECTS WORTH STEALING!!! The County librarians examine the motives behind art theft.

KATU WEATHERMAN MAKES EMERGENCY LANDING IN DEAD PLANE!!! Fabulous story, this.

Good day.