"Sympathetic to people?" Larry the Cable Guy? You mean Larry the Pandering Racist Homophobe. Yeah, lob a few softballs to him, Tribune, makes a whole lot of sense. Especially considering he's LESS FUNNY THAN JAY LENO (and almost as rich)! Sure, lightly skim over the fact that he's a blatantly fake everyman, made up his accent and the grounds of his entire routine. I figure that one deserves just a light showing towards the bottom, don't you? And put the story in interview form so Larry the Racist gets the last word. Bringing objectivity to the article takes time, you know?

A sampling (these aren't the worst, nor do they encapsulate the large portion of tonight's set that will be devoted to fart jokes, but you'll get the idea):

I was out of there quicker than a pair of rims at a Puff Daddy Concert!

I was madder than a leg-less Ethiopian watching a doughnut roll down a hill!

"I was more pissed than a queer with lockjaw on Valentine's Day."

"There'll be a new show out next week called Black Eye on the Queer Guy."

Although it's become rarer and rarer these days, back in 2005 Rolling Stone got it right:

Then (Larry) does a double-take: He spots something behind him. "Aw, those are my shadows," he says, relieved. "I thought a couple black guys were sneaking up behind me." Huge laugh.

Let's leave it with a dig from David Cross from that same article:

"He's good at what he does," concedes fellow comedian David Cross. "It's a lot of anti- gay, racist humor — which people like in America — all couched in 'I'm telling it like it is.' He's in the right place at the right time for that gee-shucks, proud-to-be-a-redneck, I'm-just-a -straight-shooter-multimillionaire-in-cutoff-flannel-selling-ring -tones act. That's where we are as a nation now. We're in a stage of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride."

In fact, Cross and former comedic teammate Bob Odenkirk penned an open letter to the Cable Guy on their website. Consider this my open letter to the Tribune.