The Back-Up Plan: Marjorie reviews a film that stars J.Lo and a dog-with-wheels named "Nuts." Movies like this make me want to give up on life and just resign myself to sitting alone at home and eating meat Enterprises.

The Losers: Bobby "Fatboy" Roberts says, "The Losers is unapologetically clichéd, relentlessly corny, and packed so full of gratuitous stupidity that I can easily envision Michael Bay leaving the theater muttering, 'That shit was fucking dumb.'" So... yeah.

The Jackpot Records Film and Music Festival: It's back, with a solid lineup including You Weren't There: A History of Chicago Punk 1977-1984, which Ned calls "one of the best music documentaries I've ever seen."

Meanwhile, it's a busy week at the Northwest Film Center (with the Portland Jewish Film Festival wrapping up, Cinema Project's latest program, and Barbara Hammer); meanwhile, The Goonies hits the big-screen at the 99W Drive-In and Pterodactyl plays at Dr. Reclusion's Sunday Night Phlegm Festival.

More, as ever, in our Film Shorts and Movie Times—but first, let us bask in the magnificence of Pterodactyl, starring the one and only Coolio.