PANIC IN NYC! An SUV carrying the makings of a crude bomb is parked and abandoned in Times Square on Saturday evening. No one was hurt, but do these terrorists not know that New Yorkers are still pretty touchy? (Here's a timeline of how it all went down.)

Southeast storms kill 15 in the Southeast, flooding parts of Atlanta.

The government presses BP to pay for the massive gulf coast oil spill, while BP—unsurprisingly—already seems to be trying to worm their way out of it.

The headline says it all: "Scientists Race to Create Cat-Level Artificial Brain."

Actress Lynn Redgrave (Georgy Girl) dead at age 67. BOOOOOO!!!!

Guys!! Country music singer Chely Wright is gay! (Yeah, I've never heard of her either. But good for her, I guess.)

In his first post-Tonight Show interview, Conan O'Brien visits 60 Minutes to correctly point out that, unlike Jay Leno, he's not a big dick.

In a related story, Jay Leno BOMBS at the White House Correspondents Dinner, sending New York's Times Square into a panic. (Did you see what I did there? How I brought it back around to the beginning?)

Anyway, here's what's happening in your neck of the woods: Same old April bullshit for the next two days, with dryer milder weather starting Wednesday.

And finally, The Simpsons dropped their famous opening sequence last night to do an extremely entertaining lip-dub of Ke$ha's "Tik Tok." Seriously, why hasn't 60 Minutes tried this?