VIVA LA USA!—The Waterfront Park Cinco de Mayo festival starts on Saturday, but the best event is saved for the big day itself: the naturalization ceremony at noon, where new Americans are sworn in as citizens! What better way to spend your first 12 hours as a real American than getting drunk on margaritas by the river, dancing to live mariachi and reggae bands? SM
Tom McCall Waterfront Park, SW Harrison & Naito, 11 am-11 pm, $6, all ages

PARTY—Known for their lively, energetic shows, the members of Los Campesinos! are bringing their party to Portland for a night of sing-alongs about breakups and heartbreaks—but this show is for dancing, so be sure to check your broken heart at the door. BT
w/Signals; Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th, 8 pm, $15, all ages

Of course, the sensible course of action tonight is to stay home and watch that Machete trailer over and over. But if you insist on going out, let My, What a Busy Week! be your guide.