Welcome to a new Blogtown series that we like to call "Worst. Night. Ever." Every Wednesday during our weekly pitch meetings there usually is one member of our editorial staff—this is almost always Patrick Alan Coleman—that blurts out an event ("MAY 25TH, EROTIC CLOG DANCING IN LINCOLN CITY, $40!") in the hopes that we will recommend it in the paper. Instead of just letting these events go ignored, we decided to keep them and allow you—yes, YOU—the Blogtown readers to decide which of these events one of us should attend!

Every week—until we get bored with this idea, or someone dies—a new staff member will be presented with five events that do not match their personality or interests. Each week's participant can veto a single event, but that is all. HERE'S THE FUN PART (FOR YOU): From the remaining entries, YOU will vote on and pick the event that must be attended by our unlucky staffer and then reviewed here on the blog.

First Worst. Night. Ever. contestant... me!

Event #1: The 11th Annual UFO Fest (May 14-15 at Hotel Oregon)
Cons: Boasting "UFO Speakers, costume parade, live music, kids’ fun and more" this annual McMenamins event assembles all the crazy Area 51 nutjobs in one inconvenient location (McMinnville). I sort of hate these people.
Pros: There will be beer. UFO people are losers so, I'll be walking around drunk with an inflated sense of coolness.

Event #2: The Eagles (May 17 at the Rose Garden)
Cons: Old people trying to act young, mediocre music, and hearing a 63-year-old Don Henley sing a 17-minute version of "Hotel California" is a fate I wish upon no man. Plus there is no way this concert is under three hours in length.
Pros: Beer, but it's very overpriced. It's a concert, so it can't be that bad. Right?

Event #3: Pretty in Pieces: PDX Zombie Prom (May 15 at Bossanova)
I vetoed this one. Prom was bad enough the first time around, I'm not dressing like the undead for you people.

Event #4: The 8th Annual Pimps N Ho's Ball (May 15 at Dante's)
Cons: Um, everything. From the KUFO sponsorship to the bands (ugh, Smoochknob), this entire night scares the crap out of me. Plus for some reason I see myself getting jumped by a frat boy in a pimp outfit and getting curbstomped on West Burnside while a bunch of tourists in the Voodoo Doughnuts line watch and take cellphone camera pictures of my death. I don't want my death to be a trending YouTube video.
Pros: Beer, pizza, possible nudity, and dark corners to hide in.

Event #5: Inviting Desire 2010: Pleasure. Permission. Possibility... (currently running at the Headwater Center for Cultural Exchange)
Cons: This "authentic, provocative, uncensored look at female desire" is said to feature all sorts of awkward nudity and graphic sexual content, all within a live theatrical setting. I will be squirming in my seat, but probably not in a good way.
Pros: Nudity. In her review, Alison mentions "sexy boob touching." That is the best kind of boob touching.

Got it? Let's vote! (And be kind. Or don't.)


Voting ends at noon tomorrow!