You didn’t see them in the story, but I know some of you might be interested to see what raw testicles actually look like after being taken off the animal. (Because it’s nothing like what raw testicles look like, you know, in the wild.)

1 pnd of testes
  • Matt Davis
  • 1 pnd of testes

That represents about one pound of raw testicle action. The rest of the testicles, at the time this picture was taken, had been prepped to become tacos and “Ranch Tackle” (see recipes in the on-line version).

While the eating of the testicles was certainly the hook, the star of the feature is Mr. Chris Onstad of on-line comic Achewood fame. It was an absolute treat to cook with him. But more than that, it was a treat to correspond with him before the actual cooking. Hit the jump for an e-mail excerpt with a few ideas we never got around to.

From Onstad, April 14th, 2010:

I've got a good kitchen with lots of natural air circulation. And fuck, if the whole thing just turns into a deep-fry party, then what's wrong with that? But let's at least try to feature one or two more kinds of scrote.

Some more ideas:

1. Get a sommelier to pair wines with testicles

2. Do a "testicleducken" (duck nuts inside goose nuts inside veal nuts (such a thing?) inside yak nuts. Nutducken? Wadburner? Commando Roll? We're basically defining the next generation of slang with this project.

3. Scrotaco: I see seared scrotum, perhaps dashed with soy, pairing well with onion and cilantro on a corn tortilla.

4. "The Sympathy Ball": a Winner's Cup martini, up, with a pickled hog testicle on a cocktail sword. Only to be served to gentlemen drinking alone at the airport Radisson.


The “sympathy ball”. That shit still makes me laugh.