The Mercury Election Night Party Crashing Squad kicked total ass last night, hitting election parties for thirteen candidates, drinking their fancy drinks, watching the returns come in and blogging it all here on Blogtown.

But for those of you who don't want to scroll through a dozen posts about last night's parties, here's the highlights:

1. Jesse Cornett Got Totally Creamed. The challenger for Commissioner Dan Saltzman's seat came in way below predictions, snagging only seven percent of the vote. That's less than recall supporter Mary Volm and less than former PSU President Rudy Soto, who ran his campaign via Facebook and rarely showed up for debates. Cornett's face when he saw the results says it all. With 55 percent of the vote, Saltzman is skating to reelection.

2. This Shirt:

  • Stefan Kamph

3. Karol Collymore Beaming. County Commissioner candidate Karol Collymore led the pack in her crowded race, scoring 33 percent of the vote in a race with eight candidates. She will face a likely tough runoff with Loretta Smith in the fall, but last night onstage, Collymore was all giddy smiles. "I wrote a speech, but I left it in my purse!" she blurted onstage. "I wish my parents were here!"

Winners! Saltzman, Collymore and Jeff Cogen.
  • Winners! Saltzman, Collymore and Jeff Cogen.

4.Despite Boring Party, Kitzhaber Wins Nomination. Mercury reporters had to stuff themselves with brownies just to stay awake during John Kitzhaber's party last night while whiskey was flowing freely over at Bill Bradbury's party. Nevertheless, Kitz slid to an easy nomination with over 60 percent of the vote.

5. Ed Garren Loves Pork Sliders. Mental health, Dancing With the Stars and delicious BBQ. Ed Garren covers all the important bases.

6. Dudley Beats Alley for Republican Nomination: I'm sad about this one. I actually like businessman Allen Alley's sense of humor and style. Plus, Dudley's party had no cheap beer. Not a good sign. Finally, are we really going to elect a former NBA player governor? Would that be better or worse than California electing Ahnold?

7. Bob Stacey Wins the Hipster Vote! Lefty Metro President candidate Bob Stacey will be facing off against centrist Tom Hughes in the fall, knocking current Metro Councilman Rex Burkholder out of the race. His election party at Holocene featured mustached bartenders, very drunk people, a conga line to Jungle Boogie and the quote of the night (from Steve Novick, of course): "Tonight, Bob Stacey rocked down to electric avenue. And in November, he will take it higher."