With Matt Davis having left the Portland Mercury editorial department, no doubt you readers are a little concerned about what the future will hold. Yes, the Englishman's departure has left a gaping hole. But I'd like to assure you that it is a hole I intend to fill.

HERETOFORE, I'd like to announce that I shall now be taking over the position as the Britishest person on the Mercury editorial staff.

You'd probably like to review my qualifications:

• I can drop quintessentially British phrases such as "cor blimey!" and "pip pip cheerio!" into casual conversation without noticeable strain.
• I am closely related to a person who once lived in the UK, and who still does strange things like drink tea and refer to things as "brilliant."
• I watched all of the British version of The Office and Extras (all four episodes or whatever—British television seasons are mercifully short), and only occasionally needed to switch on the subtitles to figure out what the fuck they were saying.
• I can nip* round the pub* and have several pints* without getting too squiffy*.
• I am a terrible cook.

*British vocab!

So rest assured, readers: Davis' departure does not mean an entirely Britishless Blogtown. Pass the marmalade and spotted dick! Tuppence a farthing and what's all this then.