Oh, England.

Via the excellent Marina Hyde at The Guardian:

The England Scoregasm. Where to begin with this wildly uncalled-for sex aid? Perhaps with the blurb, which informs us: "It's the remote control love egg that shows you're a true fan." Do go on. "The remote control works from up to 10m away," we learn, "so hand the controller to your partner and let them surprise you when England score!" And really, what could be more erotic than sitting earplugged and out of sight of a telly, your sexual satisfaction dependent on an Algerian own goal? Very little, apparently. "Go 45 minutes each way with the Scoregasm Love Egg," the manufacturers promise, "and you'll feel like you've won the Cup. Just watch out for that studs-up tackle from behind!" We'll leave it there, on balance.

Me? Do I go for the hard-to-find North Korea jersey or the USA Patriot Mask? Decisions, decisions, decisions.