World Cup Primer


If you want to follow the games from work (or elsewhere that you can't get to a TV), the Guardian site's minute-by-minute commentaries are unbeatable, giving facts, honesty about the quality of the game etc, and humor. Unbeatable.

- One of the 'big names' always gets knocked out in the first round - my money's on France this time.
- England vs USA will unfortunately be a dull draw, with both teams nervous but happy knowing they'll easily beat the other two teams to qualify.
- Brazil will come second in their group behind Ivory Coast, and have to face Spain in a mouth-watering second round clash.
- A team that plays badly in their first game, and gets written off as a result, will improve over the tournament and go on to win the thing.
- Maradona will announce that he's the son of God, sent down to convert the world to a sardine-worshiping cult. He will then either drop Messi from the team or play him in goal.
- The Germans will beat everyone on penalties. Again.
Since I want an African team, I am rooting for Cote d'Ivoire. Oh, and America, too. I guess.
Stu, you are right on with the Guardian's Minute-by-Minute commentaries--they are great. Paul Doyle and Barry Glendenning are my favorites at that . . . but then again, I've got Irish blood so I'm probably biased. In a related note, yes, France will get knocked out early as karma from their match vs. Ireland.

(Even though I kinda always liked France.)
This makes me want to cry, puke etc. The Mercury publishing how to "watch the World Cup"? Why don't you include a section explaining the offside rule why you are at it? Now every single hipster douche who hasn't watched a minute of a single game in 4 years is suddenly going to become an "expert" at football. Publishing this type of stuff is only going to make matters worse for those of us who actually follow the game, go to matches and know a thing about what we are talking about.

Fair warning, if you are at one of our venues and you start mouthing off like you know the game/players etc you are in for a world of hurt.

It is the height of irony that the Mercury, the freaking Mercury is suddenly on this bandwagon. The paper that has done nothing but attempt to tear down soccer in Portland for the past two years is suddenly interested in the sport? Fuck you. Seriously. Take your little hipster friends and go play bike polo. And why you are at it please eat a dick in a fire.

Angry much?
Yes, I concur. How dare my local media outlet cover a subject which interests me?
Wow, angry dude is cracking me up. I hate hipster douches (and, sorry, "football") as much as the next guy, but World Cup is an even which, like the Olympics, represents something larger than the sport itself. The deeply satisfying irony of his retarded post lies in the fact that he's treating the popularity of this event in much the same way a hipster might be protective of his favorite faux-indie band that he knew "before they sold out".
Whatever dude, I saw the World Cup in a small club before anyone else had ever heard of it.
I saw the World Cup when there was only one team playing in it.

More importantly: does anyone know what time the Rose Parade goes past / near Directors Park? Is the soccer viewing going to be disrupted by the sound of high school marching bands?
It's not the World Cup bump in casual fans that makes me angry. That's to be expected.

It's the fucking Mercury suddenly showing an interest after being nothing but complete fucking assholes towards the sport, and the people who support it, for the past couple of years.

Suddenly you like the sport? Now you publish something nice about it?

How much you want to bet that next year you are going to be all over the MLS Timbers?

Fuck you, you hipster rag. EADIAF
I really should not try and reason with someone who turns "Eat a dick and die in a fire" into a handy acronym, but...

The Mercury is not a single entity and has varied opinions on all sorts of subjects. I cover the Blazers in the same issue where other writers are very critical of the team's "Jumptown" development. Different writers, different opinions.

I feel like I need a catch phrase here.
Bullshit. There are like 5 writers and half of you are interns.

It was a sustained campaign for years and now that the winds has shifted, like good little hipsters you are now jumping on the "next cool thing".

But you have company. Willamette Week have been unmitigated assholes towards the sport of soccer in this town as well for a good amount of time so you two can set aside your friendly rivalry and join forces on this one.

And next year when this town explodes in green and white - you are going to be gobbling MLS cock, the stadium, the sell out crowds like a crack whore on Interstate.

Wait, that analogy probably doesn't make sense to you cause Hipsters won't leave Mississippi Ave to venture to scary Interstate Avenue except for quick dashes to the New Seasons. EADIAF
Wow. I was going to talk about my love of Ghana and their chances to surprise, how Maradona's lunacy will distill Argentina down to an amorphous blob of protoplasmic fail, how Switzerland will surprisingly emerge from their group and even win a game in the knockout round, how the US will dissapoint once again (pains me to admit, yes) but it seems this thread has taken a turn down Disproportionately Angry Lane. Tell me Sunshine, as well as where you watching the games (cuz we have to meet up!), what are your pre-cup thoughts? Can Klose and Kleinsteiger lead Germany without Ballack? Will Brazil turn it on and overwhelm everyone? Will Essien's absense hurt Ghana's chances? Can South Korea and Japan prove they can go far in a big tourney away from home? Will Italy fare well with all that new blood? Can Kuyt, Van Persie, Robben and Sneijder FINALLY lead the Dutch to the cup? Can Xavi and Torres keep Spain on a roll?

By the way I've played and still play soccer (typically more than most joyless, angry soccer fan), follow it closely and could probably be considered a "hipster" by at least some people. Oh, and I LIVE on Interstate Ave. So suck it.

Your "analysis" actually proves my point squatting women (appropriate name for someone who lives on Interstate - I suspect your place on Interstate is conveniently located to New Seasons - is it biking distance on your fixie?).

Italy is the oldest team in the Cup, Robben is out, the Swiss aren't going to do shit, of course Essiens injury is going to hurt Ghana captain obvious.

Where did you cut and paste this "anaylsis" from? And in typical stupid hipster way you don't even mention the U.S. because supporting your country is supporting the evil empire. Your the skinny white kid sporting the Argentina/Spain/Brazil/Portugese jersey even though you have no connection to said countries. They are just way cooler than the pase US Nats right? After all only Republicans and middle America support our national team right and wear American colors right?

Sorry to tell you that "you've played soccer and still play" means zilch, zero. Your probably one of those division 5 hacks I walk by on my way to my matches and cringe at your abuse of the beautiful game. Running around kicking people indiscriminately is not playing soccer.

Thankfully my regular watching place has not made any of these lists. Go hang at the Thirsty Lion. You will find alot of kindred souls.

The Azzurri have, I believe, only 6 or so players left from 06. I was referring to this, not the mean age of the squad, as their "new blood." Sorry for the confusion.

Robben is on the squad, as far as I know. He'll probably skip a match and likely will play. Thankfully for him, this tourney is a month long. Am I right, pal?

I know Essien's injury will hurt, but I don't think it will devestate the squad. I can't recall the some of the names but Ghana has creative, active players up front-like most of the African countries-to do some damage. Their downfall always seems to be the defensive discipline to beat the big boys. What say you, amigo?

As for the US, I did mention them. I don't think they're consistent enough or defensively sound enough to go far. That being said, Their mutant style can perplex other teams who play a more possession-oriented game. If they can withstand being badly out-possessed (which we'll see against England, for sure), bring players back into the box defensively and count on quick transitional strikes up the field to Dempsey, Donovan they've got a chance because those two are becoming quality finishers. But they absolutely can not donkey it up against Algeria and Slovenia. Those should be wins. I'll cheer first and foremost for us. No doubt. I'm unbelievably excited for US-England. An upset would probably be the most satisfying sport watch I've ever had. Where do you encounter white kid American soccer fans who cheer against us? And wear some other jersey to which they have no connection? Are you just making this shit up? C'mon, I won't tell. We're friends.

Not a fan of Portugal and their perpetual whining and diving (looking at you, Ronaldo et. al.). Brazil is great to watch but Id prefer to see someone else take the cup. Apparently either Germany or Brazil have been in the final game 11 out of the past 13 cups. The Germans are really good, but I can't stand them. Just a thing of mine. Probably has something to do with being Jewish. You got a few hipster Jew cliche insults in your arsenal, too? I'm sure you'll let me know.

Spain is great to watch. I'd not be upset to see them play late in the tourney. I'm pretty meh on Argentina. Chile intrigues me more. Those little guys are zippy.

In my experience, those who play are much more knowledgeable; passionate without being angry and full of unnecessary vitriol. The cultural category of who may or may not be a fan of soccer barely registers, if at all. It's just not important. Well, unless.....anyway. I'll get back to that.

So chum, do you have any actual analysis you'd like to contribute to a thread that should be about the actual game, or would you like this to be a place for angry, phony ("on the way to my matches") dicks to sling, tired hackneyed insults? Because that's not like the internet at all.
Wow all that excitement and vitriol in the comments and it ends in a zero - zero tie!
Angry hipster hater is correct in stating that hipster guys will cheer and wear kits from Brazil, Argentina, Germany, France and not care about the US team. I predict a 2-1 victory for the US tomorrow.
always classic when someone complains about not getting any love, then they get some and are angry about it. one thing is clear though, that angry guy sure knows more about soccer than us, and he hates those hipsters. take that hipsters, soccer guy hates you! (along with people that don't play his sport up to his standards, which isn't even worth breaking down how stupid that is) i like soccer. thanks for the article. it was good and informative, now i've got some good alternatives to espn.
At least Angry guy isn't attacking his friends like a fucking retard.