Report of Insane Bike/Car Road Rage Incident (Involving Assault With Axe Body Spray) Today


All things considered it's better to be attacked by a douche than smell like one.
This is why you don't chase people down and curse them out. you just take their picture and file a police report
Ah, the old Double-Fits to Repressed Rage.
Awww man! Right after I hit "post" it came to me... the superior joke is "Double Fits to Testy."

That picture looks like it was posed. Doesn't appear to be on a street, more like a parking area.
Did Joe at least get laid for his efforts? I mean, he should have had enough AXE on him to attract an army of female suitors, right?
the photo of the vehicle was taken post incident
The pictures were taken post incendent the driver works In the parts department of Broadway KIA
I just ran the license plates: the car belongs to the Mercury's own J Bieber fanboy Steve Humphrey!
What kind of trouble can yu get into for spraying axe into a car? That seems like a totally awesome and nonlethal way to olfactorally mark a douchebag driver.
this is pretty funny but it really sucks for Joe he is pretty fucked up anyone feel like organizing in front of B-way KIA? I mean it's the height of Pedalpalooza and shit like this is going on. The driver of the vehicle's name is scott and he's the head of the parts deparment at B-way KIA. Solidarity anyone? it could be you next!
Portland bike history!
Just goes to show you what kind of person wears axe body spray
It sucks to get beat down with anything, especially a can of man-douche, but the dude on the bike was attempting to make a stupid maneuver by crossing MLK at San Rafael. There's a "Right turn only" sign, a concrete divider in the middle of the street, and a bicycle triggered stoplight one block north.
Asshole v. Asshole.
I ride my bike all over and I wouldn't be out there comfortably without some solid skill. People need to kick it to the street with some self-defense classes. I can't believe he let the guy pummel him repeatedly... plus a bike lock is a far better tool than a can of deodorant.

Check out some classes
I got hit by a car yesterday. Where's my complimentary can of Axe?
"Bike lawyer." Sigh....
He will pry get some lame community service plea deal and keep his license, but if he was caught with even a .01 he would get a year suspension. Sort of a messed up standard as more people are killed by distracted drivers than drunk drivers now.

That "concrete divider" appears in the streetview to be a curb, with a little bit of sidewalk where people crossing mlk on foot can stop partway across. So it's possible that crossing is considered a crosswalk, in which case it seems reasonable that a bike would be allowed to cross there. A person on a bike is allowed to ride on a crosswalk if he or she does so at a safe speed. (I wouldn't do it in that spot, but it might just be legal.)

So with "asshole vs. asshole" you're equating a guy maybe being a scofflaw on a bike vs. a guy being a borderline murderer in a car. And murderer is no exaggeration; it's a short step between nudging someone on a bike with your fender, and just up and squishing them.

Of course, of all the ways to murder someone, with a car is the most consequence-free. But that asshole in the car might as well have been pointing a gun at the maybe-scofflaw on the bike; he held the other guy's life in his hands to that extent.


The stuff I mention above about the crosswalk I learned from a "bike lawyer." This one: It's useful to have lawyers who specialize in bike law, especially with the summer "WAR! ON! WHEEEEEELS!" season right around the corner.
that car is already damaged, seems like this guy may not be much of a driver...
I love traveling by bike when the weather doesn't suck. Last three days, I've ridden over 50 miles around town from my house in Arleta to Hillsdale to Downtown to Alberta to Sellwood to Parkrose. Literally all over.

Both of these incidents, the one on Hawthorne in the Oregonian and the one here, seem like they could have been avoided with a little more common sense on the part of the bikers. Trying to make illegal crossings (if that's really what happened) and chasing after cars is stupid. So is riding Hawthorne, especially uphill.

Bike smart, people. And for f's sake, wear a damn helmet.
This incident actually happened on Schuyler and MLK.
I am the one who called the cops. The guy turned out to be a complete prick.
Hawthorne is indeed quite dangerous. If you take side streets you risk a side swipe or cars blasting through intersections. Seriously Sam Adams if you have a major bike plan for this city, start with the major streets, give a lane to bikers, at least in the warmer months.
I believe we have the storyboard for the next Axe commercial. Just insert brosephines.
nice car, broski
No matter the circumstances, there is no call for Axe body spray. Ever.
If only the biker would've had an ice at the ready he totally could've changed the course of events- it's really the best anti-douche defense.
This really stinks, but at least that poor biker doesn't. Oh, and nice primer stains, Mr. Road Rage! I think it's probably being repossessed in outer, outer Gresham as we speak.
Take his car away, make him ride a bike down broadway. Maybe he'll learn some empathy.
Whether it be fist cuffs or a can of dick spray, one could argue a measure 11 if they wanted to get evil with the idiot driver.
@Allan, Joe got bumped then cussed out. I find it hard to tsk tsk him for expressing himself in kind. Remember, as Jesus hung dying on the cross, the Lord sayeth: “Son, don’t be such a $#%ing pussy.”
anylanding, I don't have any doubts that a "bike lawyer" is a real thing.

It's just that when you really think about it, it isn't much of a real thing.
Haha, its about time WE BAN BIKES!
It could have been worse. The guy could have forcibly applied the Axe.
Maybe these guys can get together and bury the...oh nevermind.
uh, neither the bicyclist nor the motorist could cross east to west, or west to east, for that matter, on ne san rafael across ne mlk/ore 99. there's a huge meridian, with plants in it even, going up the center of mlk. go look it up on google maps with street view. the bicyclist could maybe *walk* his bike across, but why the motorist would bump his back tire would be in question, plus are we to swallow that the motorist was that drunk from spraying axe body spray directly into his mouth that he'd drive the car over the meridian?!? that someone here in the comments allegedly ran the license plate in the photo and found it to belong to a portland mercury staffer (if they actually were able to do that and that is what they found), puts this whole story in question. unless facts are clarified, i call shenanigans on this whole story.
also, heading west on *either* schuyler or san rafael from mlk, there are no "stoplights" on either street from there on. both dead end into "T" intersections eventually, just blocks away. stop *signs,* maybe. no traffic lights. again, i'm calling: shenanigans.
well sounds like you got it all sewn up faddah! congrats on your sweet ass detective skills! call the hardy boys and tell em there out of a job!
Actually everyone needs to get the whole story... I was an on-looker and the guy on the bike was totally at fault and was never hit by the car at all!! In fact the biker was in the middle of the street and wouldnt move over so the car could get around him so the motorist passed him on the right so he could get out of the middle of the street. The biker then was mad and waving his bike lock in the air and flipping the motorist off then I saw the guy in the car stop and had something in his hand not sure what it was but they where exchanging words and the guy on the bike actually swung his lock at the other guy to start. The motorist blocked the lock and took the biker to the ground and I didnt see the rest but if you ask me it was a case of self defense and maybe if the biker cant share the road he should get off of it!!!
If you were a witness then where were you when the cop showed up to report? Why would you not give a report if you saw such an event happen? It just boggles my mind that you "the only witness" to the event did not stick around to fill out a report when the cop showed up. And why would a guy who is going straight pass on the right instead of the left if not to exchange words in the first place?
no cop showed up on the scene.... dont you get it there was no hit and run?!?
there was a cop and there was an assult....
This is so funny. Some of the comments are pretty witty too!! @on-looker where were you standing when this happened? Ring side? I don't believe the article specifically said hit and run, but maybe I didn't read it close enough.
onlooker there is absolutely no way the driver could have passed the biker on the right if they were heading west on schuyler which is where the incident took place I was there in the 76 parking lot actually I watched the driver flip off and scream " get out of the way or I'll kick your ass" the biker was not in the middle of the road he was off to the right and the driver passed him wide on the left flipped him off an screamed at him the biker did throw up his lock to defend himself, wouldn't you?damn! I was steps away from the whole thing!!! I didn't see the driver hit the biker with his car but I sure saw him hit the guy with his can of axe and slam the bikers bike down on him once the biker was on the pavement I gave the guy the license plate number and I would give him my name and further support if I knew how to contact him
the cop came after the fact and the biker called it in as a hit and run. I was across the street when this all unfolded. I also saw the biker try to pull the pay phone off and when that didnt work he did a jackie chan style flying kick thing toward the motorist. Sounds like both parties are at fault and bikers pride is a little hurt because he couldnt beat up a guy wearing man douche so he had to exaggerate the story.
@onlooker so you first said there was no cop and that you didn't make a report, but then how do you know it was called in as a hit in run?
I said there was no cop at the scene. And I never said I didnt talk to him. I was sure to let him know what i saw because this guy is a liar.
this is fishy. onlooker, you work at Kia of course you would side with the motorist, you probably sell cars. We all know car salesmen are slime balls. people who primarily bike for a living always fear dumb motorists. taking the agro biker stance isn't always the right thing to do, but if a motorist filps me the bird i politely do the same. it is not against oregon law for a cyclist to be in the middle of the street, if motorists can't share the road maybe they shouldn't drive in such a bike driven city. There should never be a case where the driver gets out of the car, and you confirmed that by saying the driver approached the cyclist while he was using the pay phone to probably dial the cops. If the motorist was getting that close where he tried to hit him with the phone, then that really says that the person was coming at them. I would have probably tried to kick you away as well. In the long run bikers just need to be even more overly cautious while riding, this story is out there to promote safer streets for biking.
Well I dont work at kia but I understand why you would think that. I ride my bike around town on occasion and I would normally side with another rider but in this case what I saw was a whole different story then this guy is telling. Its not ok with me that this guy is trying to make this out to be something its not and then lying to police. This is why motorist get so mad at riders is because no matter what this guy is making it out to be all the motorist fault.
ok. but by your account the biker swung his lock at the guy while in the car? i mean the guy would have to have already been outside of his car to take the biker down. I don't think it's so much of who provoked who at this point its that the guy was ALREADY outside of his car for this to happen so he is at fault. Of course stories always get taken out of context I am just trying to figure out when it became a huge issue, when the guy stepped out of the car (for obvious reasons I think it is safe to say he was doing so to do something, fight, exchange more words, whatever) and the biker probably scared that he is being approached by a man who is obviously mad. all in all everyone needs to get over the fact that it was car vs bike and just realize that what it comes down to is road rage being taken a step to far, maybe on both parts.
@kral6oh6 I'm friends with the biker, and he sure could use your help. At this moment, the only witnesses are you and other employees at the KIA parts store. Contact me, somethingsthere at gmail dot com and I'll connect you two.

Regardless of whether or not the biker was rude. The drive should have just drove on, not got and and assaulted (or allegedly defended himself) and destroyed another persons property. This guy is an asshole, plain and simple.

I would encourage people to go to the Google Maps of Broadway KIA and give them a low review for hiring a murderous bike killing maniac
There are two sides to every story and not all the witnesses work at kia. This guy didnt murder anyone you are way over exaggerating! I cant believe you guys are trying to ruin this guys life over one side of the story. I understand having your friends back and thats cool but who are you to fight a battle that you werent involved with.
Right on onlooker! Let's all be a little more patient with each other. Obviously everyone got a little over reative in a difficult situation. Let's all have a big group hug and get over it!