UGH. Look at this food. They're totally having sex. Now in my job, I'm forced to accept a lot of abhorrent behavior—Sarah Mirk sucking the marrow from what I'm pretty sure was the femur of a dog; Ezra Caraeff incessantly moaning while stroking a rabbit's pelt—but this? THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH.

This is just the sort of thing food editor Patrick Coleman and art director Scrappers get off on. In fact, I caught them both just yesterday, watching this GIF and furiously masturbating into a Cup Noodles. OH! And I apologize for not posting this after the jump—but the GIF that's actually after the jump is so fucking disgusting there wasn't enough room on the internet to hold its disgustingness. Click ahead... if you dare. And if you're a true masochist, read this week's Mercury Food & Sex issue.

GAHH!! LOOK AT THAT WET SPOT!!