What's up, fans of sexy vampires? It's Monday afternoon and I want to talk about True Blood. Hop into bed!

Entrance is round the back, fellas...
  • "Entrance is round the back, fellas..."

When we last left Sookie she had just woken up to see hospital walls and Bill standing over her in a dirty velour track jacket. Naturally she's a little upset about the whole draining-her-of-her-blood thing but I didn't believe for a second that that - that of all things - was what pushed their relationship over the edge. Since the series began, Sookie and Bill have been crazy, gooky, gloopy in love to the point that it's their defining character trait. Don't toy with me, True Blood. If Sookie's willing to risk her life time and time again to drag Bill out of Russell's mansion, then she's willing to overlook a little overeating. And what's all this business about their relationship being one big fight? Only if they're fighting about who's more obsessed with the other one.

That unnecessary pageantry killed some time before the wild sex Bill and Sookie were inevitably going to have at the end of the episode, but I'm not complaining really. It gave Sookie a tan and Bill got to have daddy/daughter time with Jessica. How fun did their super-fast sparring look? Really fun. Was anyone else worried that Bill and Jessica would hook up? Thank goodness she's still in love with ol' Hoyt... unless Tommy complicates things.

I don't know how I feel about Tommy as a permanent character, yet, but I definitely won't miss Sam's mom and Joe Lee. I think this is the first episode in a while that we've gone without seeing Joe Lee standing around in his raggedy-ass briefs. My eyes are grateful.

Speaking of taxing characters, Tara has switched from Scared Tara to her other two default settings: Sad Tara and Angry Tara. Clearly Scared Tara is the best because she is the quietest. As she keeps having sexy dreams about Franklin then maybe we'll see more of her better side. She looked pretty freaked out upon waking up.

What was it this episode with dead paramours visiting from beyond? Rene of all people stopped in to creep Arlene out and remind us all what a delightful villain he was. He really gives Russell a run for his money in the sinister charm department.

We said hello to Rene and goodbye to Talbot, one of my favorite secondary characters of this season. He really stole every scene he was in up until the end. And he got a roll in the hay with Eric, which was nice (it ended prematurely, but not a bad way to go). Between Eric and Talbot and Lafayette and Jesus there was lots of dude-on-dude this week, which was a nice change of pace. I like that True Blood is covering all of its sexy bases. And Jesus and Lafayette are just the cutest couple. It can't last...

They're definitely cuter than Crystal and Jason. Do you guys see her appeal? Is Jason just into girls who are hard to get? I feel like they have no chemistry at all. I <am very curious about what she and her meth-buddies are, though. If they're not shapeshifters and they're (probably) not werewolves, then what are they?! Frankensteins? Mummies? Zombies? I'm at a loss.

Oh yeah, and Hadley is Sookie's cousin! Surprise!

There. Did I touch on everything?

Stray notes and quotes
When Bill left Sookie's hospital room he said "Be safe." Was that an intentional Twilight call out? Stephen Moyer is not exactly a fan of Stephanie Meyer's take on vampire mythology.
I will miss Talbot and Russell's arguments. They were so fun!
Tara has a point about Bill giving Sookie his blood right when they met. That's kind of like vampire date rape.
I'm into Ruby Jean, Lafayette's schizophrenic mom. She's got spunk!
Alcide and Sookie's barely platonic relationship is put on indefinite hold this week. Anyone disappointed?
Silliest exchange of the night: "Jessica, it's over!" "No way!" "Way." *sob*
I liked Russell's silver spurs. Clever...
"They killed my Cooter!"