Time for our weekly True Blood discussion group, dudes! We learned tonight that Oregon is pro-vampire rights. What else did we learn?

Nice Bluetooth, Nan
  • Nice Bluetooth, Nan

Ba-dow-da-dow dow-wowwwwww
"When you came in the air went out..."

Stop teasing me, True Blood! Just tell me what Sookie is already! Is she part of some ancient race that is at war with the vampires? That's the best I can guess based on Bill's little stint in dreamland. Plus every other vampire seems to be pretty interested in "stealing [Sookie's] light". Enough foreplay already!

Stop teasing me, True Blood! Just tell me what Crystal is already! Clearly her family is stronger than the average inbred meth dealer. Unlike Sookie, I think we'll have to wait more than one more episode for the answer, too. Just give me a reason to give a shit about her and her magical romance with Jason.

Stop teasing me, True Blood! Just let Tara die or something! She is so fucking terrible. I will admit that her standing up to a resurrected Franklin (gotta stake the heart or cut off the head, I guess. Morning stars won't do the trick) was the best thing she's done in a long time. Lord I'm tired of her self-pitying whine and unearned surliness. You're far from the only one in Bon Temps currently going through a rough patch, Tara.

In less frustrating news, Eric - who looked fucked from the beginning of the ep - has been given the go-ahead by Nan Flannigan and the AVL to kill Russell. Except - TOO LATE, BITCHES - there's Russell pulling out news anchors' spines and declaring war on humanity on behalf of the vampires. Major PR gaffe, guys.

Lafayette's got the most adorable thing going on with Jesus. And how about how they take care of Ruby together? Awwwwww! Like Tara so awfully put it, it's gonna blow up in his face. We know it's gonna blow up in his face because this is True Blood and not some non-existent show where people have awesome relationships without any problems but I'm not going to let that stop me from enjoying the cute thing they've got going on. What do you guys think Jesus' deal is, though? I don't think he was joking about the importance of that jaguar tattoo and he was into those idols on Lafayette's alter last week. Hmmmm...

Hoyt and Jessica! In a scene together! Hoyt admits that he'd like to stuff an antique doll in Summer's yappy mouth! They have a moment! Guuush. It's about friggin' time.

And finally, Tommy is a brat with major daddy issues and Holly, the new waitress, is a rape survivor and good listener.

See you next week!

Stray notes and quotes:

I hope we see more of little telepathic Hunter. That's an interesting development and I liked his and Sookie's conversation about fish.

Is Andy Bellefleur gonna become a V addict? Sad.

Does it seem to anyone else that all powerful vampire women are lesbian/bi?

Hey, Nan Flannigan is stationed in Portland!

Bringing the lasting psychological effects of rape into a show this sexed up is a weird note to hit.

Bill and Sookie's shower sex scene was hot, you guys.

I don't believe for a minute that Sookie would feel the need to gingerly cover a naked werewolf's junk with a blanket before burying him. Girl's seen some shit!

Keeping a secret file on your partner's family tree: romantic?

Keeping your partner's remains in a crystal chalice and talking to it: romantic?

Don't EVER call Sam a pussy. He will erase your face.

Will Arlene's baby actually be evil? Will Russell eat it first?

I thought everyone in the world had forgotten about Bob Dylan's Infidels, the album that houses "Everything is Broken". Apparently the True Blood writers are like me and have a cassette copy in their car that they play when the radio sucks.

"I'm a Virgo; I like to be neat."

Nan Flannigan calls Ginger a "screeching fang-cushion of a barmaid who's been glamored so much she can't remember her last name."

"Seriously dude, look at yourself. I'm naked, she's naked, we're partyin', and you're just standin' there."

"I got ulcers so big coffee's comin' out of my belly button!" "Is that even... possible?"

"Can't do much antiquin' after dark, can we?"

"I'll be right back. Guard my dolls!"

"Now time for the weather. Tiffany?"