Blah blah weekly Jersey Shore discussion blah.

Situation blah
  • Situation blah

Blah. GTL blah blah Guidos blah blah.

Most bitter yet behind the jump.

Dudes, I just can't. Maybe it's the fact that I've been working 'round the clock all week, I dunno. Whatever the reason, this week I'm sippin' on the Haterade. It seems like a cosmic mistake that these awful, ignorant, childish people are getting paid millions of dollars just to be awful, ignorant and childish. All I ask of them is to act like human cartoons and allow me the too-brief escapism of being glad I am not them.

Part of the fun of Jersey Shore - maybe all of the fun - is anthropological. We have been granted access into a strange tribe to observe their day-to-day life and marvel at the differences between us. As we've become accustomed to "Guido" culture, mating rituals, likes and dislikes the novelty has shriveled a bit. I was not surprised when the tag team of M.V.P. dispassionately divided up the girls they had brought home to sleep with. I did not revel in their glory after the hippopotamus fell asleep and they all got laid. This is what happens.

And that was the most fun part of the episode! What else am I going to write about? Angelina being excluded from asparagus/ravioli night because she never does the dishes (I did enjoy how defensive she was, shouting "I just cleaned the bathroom!" No you didn't, Angelina!). Should I stand amazed that she came down to Miami to be on TV and the most she can come up with to do is talk on the phone and act entitled to things? I will not!

What about Snooki's newfound freedom? Her heartbreak over her amazing gorilla juicehead Emilio turning out to be the shithead he very obviously was? I don't care. It is neither funny nor interesting.

All that leaves is what had better be the last time Ron and Sam break up. I have written at length about what a dick Ronnie is. We know he's a dick, he knows he's a dick (though he'll only admit it during interviews). It's just Sammi Sweetheart, who commenter two squatting women so aptly labeled as a total drip, that doesn't know. Even after she tells him to never talk to her again she accuses him of cheating when he callously calls his "hometown honey". Get over it, ya drip!

Then there's that stupid note. How exactly did Jenni and Snooki expect that would play out? What was the ideal outcome that they saw from leaving an anonymous note in a house with only eight people? That Sammi would just assume a wise stranger left it? Don't underestimate her love for drama, ladies; it is where she finds purpose and stability.

Stray notes and quotes

Snooki is a McCain supporter but she loves gay pride week. Huh.

I like Situation's comeback to Angelina repeating herself: "Don't even hit the treadmill. Hit the elliptical, it's better for you."

How large do you think the pile of picture-ash is in Snooki's wake?

Newest addition to the list of words not in Snooki's vocabulary: wisely.

GTS is the new thing, guys? Get creative.

Ronnie is still hung up on the seduction scene Varsity Blues. That is both telling and awesome.

Snooki sums this episode up for us: "We just don't want to deal with that drama... that we caused."