Hannah Montana causes seizures, and Twilight physically alters teen brains. It’s science, and you can’t argue with science.


Anyway, it’s true. A 12-year-old Florida girl has been diagnosed with a mysterious form of epilepsy triggered by Hannah Montana’s music. I'm just glad to know I'm not alone. It reminds me of when I woke up soaked in my own urine and vomit after hearing Teen Hearts' "Hands in the Air" for the first time.

Also, Cambridge University professors held a doomsday conference earlier this month to discuss how young-adult literature affects teenage brain chemistry. Researchers are apparently very interested in why teenagers are so attracted to “vampires, zombies, and post-apocalyptic and dystopian themes.”


"We don't know exactly how literature affects the brain, but we know that it does," said Maria Nikolajeva, a Cambridge University professor of literature. "Some new findings have identified spots in the brain that respond to literature and art."

The professors, aroused by the sudden sense of danger, immediately began considering worst-case scenarios and arguing over whether or not Bella is a good role-model.

"If you look very, very clearly at what kind of values the 'Twilight' books propagate, these are very conservative values that do not in any way endorse independent thinking or personal development or a woman's position as an independent creature," Nikolajeva said. "That's quite depressing."

It is quite depressing, isn’t it? The polar ice caps are melting and everybody’s getting cancer, and the most educated people in the world are holding conferences to figure out why teenage girls are in to vampires.

From reports on MSNBC.