Are you guys still emotionally reeling from Justin Bieber's Emmy-snatching performance last night on CSI? ME, TOO! In fact I heard the rest of the CSI cast gave up acting for good after getting the shit acted out of them by Biebs. Here's his entire performance sliced down into a convenient 3 minute package. Tie your socks on—because they're about to be blown off! Now... where were we... OH, YEAH!
TONIGHT! It's the triumphant return of Tom Selleck's Booshy Moostache™ in Blue Bloods (CBS, 10 pm)—which is not about gay vampires. It's about a family of cops! Co-starring a Wahlberg (Donnie.... hangin' tough)! And it's getting pretty fantastic reviews. If you're babysitting Grandma tonight, check it out!
ALSO TONIGHT! So begins the 10th and (thank god) FINAL season for Smallville (CW, 8 pm), which I stopped watching about four years ago when Clark stopped taking off his shirt, and they got rid of all the high school operatics. I don't give a shit about anything but nudity and high school operatics, in case you haven't noticed. Watch it or not. I don't give a flying crap.
ALSO TONIGHT! It's also the season premieres of CSI: NY (CBS, 9 pm) and Supernatural (CW, 9 pm) neither of which I really care about, so let's stop talking about tonight so we can talk about what I'm REALLY EXCITED about which is...
TOMORROW! It's the movie event everyone in their right mind has been waiting for.... Sharktopus (SYFY, 9 pm)! Or as I called it in this week's I Love Television™...
MOTHEREFFING SHARKTOPUS, MOTHEREFFERS, YEAAAAHHHH!! Cult filmmaker Roger Corman brings this hilariously horrible flick that stars Eric Roberts (YEAAAAHHH!!) as an evil genius who genetically creates "the Navy's next superweapon": a killer shark crossed with a gropey octopus! (YEAAAAHHH!!) Dear "Science"—can you please come up with more of these genetic abominations? Like maybe a shark crossed with a billy goat? Or an octopus crossed with a wiener dog? (Wienerdoctopus!)
Here's the trailer again for the sad few who missed it the first time!
WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THIS!!