An alleged victim of the accused pedo-pastor Eddie Long has some pointed words for the bishop: "YOU ARE A MONSTER."

The University of Texas shooter was considered to be "quiet and smart"—which proves he wasn't a member of the Tea Party.

Speaking of those guys, a Wall Street Journal poll reveals that 71% of Republicans describe themselves as "Tea Party supporters." Things are gonna get ugly.

Former president Jimmy Carter was kept under observation at the hospital last night for an "upset stomach." You can do that when you're a former president.

Europeans are still on alert for a possible Mumbai-style attack from al-Qaida dickholes.

Defense Secretary Robert Gates has some words of encouragement for war-weary Americans: "We are never leaving Afghanistan." Wait... what?

Arthur Penn, the director of the fantastic 1967 classic Bonnie and Clyde is dead.

Everybody can relax: Sarah Palin was not booed on Dancing with the Stars, because... why would anyone boo Sarah Palin?

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: 81 today! 85 tomorrow! And a somewhat cooler semi-sunny weekend ahead!

And finally, with apologies to Dave Bow who will be along soon with the weekly Glee Recap, here is the best part of last night's episode in which Cheerio Brittany covers Britney Spears' "Slave 4 U." If this doesn't bonerize you, boners do not exist.