I love reading your column, and never thought that I would have a reason to write to you, but to both my pleasure and chagrin, I realized today that I could use your help.

I am a 23-year-old woman, I have been with my boyfriend for three years, and we have lived together for two. We have a very healthy sex life, and the longer we are together, the better it gets! There is just one problem. He wants me to get really raunchy with his cum when I am blowing him. I guess it's called an "oral creampie." Anyway, he wants to shoot on my face with my mouth open, he wants me to let him cum in my mouth and then let it drool back out on my chin or his cock, all kinds of things in that vein. I would LOVE to do that for him, but when it's go time, I freeze and can't bring myself to do it and end up swallowing his cum instead.

Honestly, I think the thought of cum bothers me. I can swallow it because once I do, it's gone and I don't have to worry about it, but with this, I have to play with it and run it all around in my mouth. I need to know how to embrace his cum instead of fear it so our sex life can continue to grow instead of stagnate on this one thing.


Frozen Creampie

My response after the jump...



According to Urban Dictionary—the final authority on all sex definitions these days—an "oral creampie" isn't anywhere near as involved a process as your boyfriend makes it out to be.

While receiving a blowjob, the alpha male peaks to orgasm—while the male is in the midst of ejaculation, or cumming, the female continues the act of oral sex without removing her lips and/or mouth from the alpha males penis—thus, causing the male to cum inside the females mouth, and possibly down her throat while she is still sucking the males penis.

Um... you have to love how the alpha male—no blowjobs for betas—"peaks to orgasm" all by himself. He isn't brought to orgasm thanks to the determined efforts of a giving partner. Noooo. He peaks, all on his own, because a blowjob is something alpha males do for themselves. There he is, all by his lonesome, peaking to orgasm, in the midst of ejaculation, when a woman trips and falls and somehow his peaking dick winds up in her mouth just like that.

Anyway, FC, it looks like you're doing the oral creampie already: you're blowing him, you're swallowing. He's asking for more; he wants to see you to show him just how much you love his come. He wants to see you revel in it and perhaps degrade yourself with it. And this isn't something he's asking you to do "when [you're] blowing him," but after you're done blowing him. Because once he comes, FC, the blowjob is technically over. Emission accomplished. He has, I hope, acknowledged that he's asking for a blowjob-and-then-some here. What he's requesting is an above-and-beyond-the-call post-blowjob indulgence.

A couple of thoughts:

Presumably your boyfriend eats your pussy. So he vaginal secretions get all over his face... all over his chin and cheeks and nose and lips. It's applied gradually, in layers, like varnish to an oil painting (unless you're a squirter). So in a way he's kinda/sorta doing what he's asking you to do. The big difference, of course, is that his "secretions" come all at once, in a massive splat, and male ejaculate can be a lot of process all at once. But if he's eating your pussy—and he is eating your pussy, right?—then he's doing a slow-mo version of what he's asking you to do for him.

But even so, FC, your boyfriend has to recognize the above-and-beyond nature of the request he's making. He's getting head—good, enthusiastic head too, as evidenced by all the orgasms he's peaking. And there you are, only too happy to swallow—even if you're just anxious to dispose of his semen. It seems to me, then, that 1. your boyfriend shouldn't push this oral creampie thing too hard and 2. you shouldn't feel too bad if you can't bring yourself to do this for him right now.

So: he needs to back off, you need to give yourself a break.

You're unlikely to get over your squeamishness about his come under the kind of pressure you're putting yourself under and/or the kind of pressure he's putting you under. Your inability to do this one thing—this one above-and-beyond thing—shouldn't "derail" an otherwise excellent sex life. Your sex life can and should "continue to grow" even if this particular act won't be scratched off the boyfriend's bucket-o-come list anytime soon. Do other stuff, enjoy other stuff, continue to grow together. And maybe play with his come a bit—try masturbating him sometimes, and give him fingercreampies—and perhaps your fears and inhibitions will decrease and one day you'll be able to enjoy his juices (a word I hate using in this context) just as he enjoys yours.

And he does enjoy yours, right? Because if he doesn't, FC, then you shouldn't even be blowing him, much less feeling guilty about not gargling with his come after you're done.