According to the always entertaining New York Post, actor Charlie Sheen was discovered this morning nude and trashing his room in NYC's Plaza Hotel, with a screaming hooker trapped inside the closet. (Why is the screaming hooker in this story the least surprising aspect? Anyway.) The hotel estimates he caused $7000 in damages, which stem from throwing chairs around a room, and damaging a chandelier. (Sounds like a normal night at the house for me.) HOW COULD SUCH AN UNFORTUNATE HAPPENSTANCE OCCUR? From NYP:

Sheen, 45, told police he had been "out partying," sources said. After he returned to his room with an unidentified woman, he noticed his wallet and cellphone were missing, causing him to fly into a rage, sources said.

A police official said the woman in the room with Sheen was an escort.The hooker called the front desk from Room 1832 — which features a pink-and-white stripped door — and reported that Sheen was passed out on the bed.

WHY WAS IT NECESSARY TO SAY HIS DOOR WAS PINK AND WHITE??? I love this goddamn paper!!

Life and Style adds more color (aka fuel to the fire) with quotes from a source close to the hooker! Take it away, source close to the hooker!

"She was fearing for her life and was naked," says the source. "Charlie was incoherent but started screaming slurs at the cops. They recognized him immediately and gave him two options: they could take him to the hospital or take him down to the station. Charlie chose the hospital."

But don't worry! Charlie is gonna be just fine: He's expected to be released on Wednesday, and because he's a celebrity, no charges will be filed. In fact, his publicist already has an awesome excuse lined up for his behavior! From Us Magazine:

Charlie Sheen was hospitalized early Tuesday morning in NYC because he "had an adverse allergic reaction to some medication," his rep said.

Oh. Okay. So I guess that alleged big pile of coke had nothing to do with it. Actually a very similar incident happened to me the other day after I had an allergic reaction to a peanut butter sandwich—but in my case, the hooker died.