As of 9 am this morning, the Governor's race is still tighter than a mouse's b-hole: With 92% of all votes counted Chris Dudley has a ONE POINT LEAD over Kitzhaber, 47.8 percent to 48.8 percent. GAHHHHHH!!!

As you may have heard, the hillbilly revolt took place last night, with Congress being overtaken by Republicans and their inbred Tea Party cousins. (They're the ones sipping from moonshine jugs and missing numerous teeth.)

Unsurprisingly, Republicans have sworn to murder Obama's health care legislation in its sleep, and severely roll back the size of government—starting with themselves, I trust?

California's measure to legalize marijuana goes up in smoke. GET IT?? Where's my Mark Twain Prize for Humor??

More earthquakes and volcanic eruptions for Indonesia. (Not sure if I would trade that for a Tea Party congress or not.)

Al-Qaida in Iraq threatens attacks on Christians—actual violent attacks, not snark attacks like the Mercury makes.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: A gorgeous, balmy day today, with a rainy weekend ahead. So you may want to wait until Sunday to off yourself.

And finally, The Daily Show covers last night's blood bath—including Olivia Munn's tribute to the perseverance of "Orange American" John "Don't Call Me Boner" Boehner.