And that's that. John Kitzhaber wins his bid to become Oregon's first three-term governor. And Chris Dudley wins a consolation round of margaritas at a Lake Oswego Mexican restaurant. And, in Portland, at least, it really was about turnout. Too bad for Kitz that he also wins a giant mess in the Legislature.

But oh, how some races refuse to settle themselves. The Bob Stacey-Tom Hughes contest for Metro president could be headed for a recount. And Portland's firefighting bond measure remains tighter than (insert disgustingly tight thing here). Seriously, though, Randy Leonard was feverishly checking for updates during yesterday's Portland City Council meeting.

"The purpose of the minority is to become the majority." Hope for the Republican Party—and a stunning return to relevance—began to bubble almost the second after the Democrats and independents who voted for Barack Obama in 2008 began wiping their own joyful froth from their lips.

Deputies and nurses at Multnomah County Jail ignored the cries of woman with pneumonia two years ago, and she died. Now the county, its health care provider and a nurse who was fired over the incident have agreed to settle a federal civil rights case with the woman's family for $905,000. Two-thirds will be paid by the nurse.

Remember those mail-order bombs from Yemen? One of 'em reportedly was 17 minutes away from wrecking all the campaign narratives carefully constructed to carry candidates through Election Day.

Kids today. They grow up so fast! Everybody is a little worried about the health and welfare of a baby born to a 10-year-old girl and 13-year-old boy in Spain.

They totally stole this from that one season of Weeds. The feds found an 1,800-foot, well-lighted drug-running tunnel connecting warehouses in San Diego and Tijuana. And, in another blow for pot smokers after the demise of California's Proposition 19, 25 pounds of weed were confiscated.

A smug, pain-in-the-ass, wunderkind college professor is taking his Canadian employer to court. He made a stink when the University of Manitoba waived a required written examination for a doctoral candidate complaining of extreme anxiety.

TSA workers are the last fucking people on Earth who should try to be funny. One of 'em, in Philadelphia, thought it would be a hoot to pretend he found cocaine inside two different passengers' luggage. Dick.

But, hell, I bet she'd be game!