A man convicted of brutally murdering a family in Connecticut (rape and sexual molestation is involved... as well as burning the house down) is looking at the death penalty.

In other "people are fucking crazy, especially hillbillies" news: Four Georgia teens pick a guy at random at a party, and beat and stomp him to death.

In good news for hillbillies: For over two months, a Kansas State nutrition researcher ate almost entirely junk food like Twinkies and Little Debbies—but allegedly lost weight and got "healthier."

In a show that the two countries are getting more buddy-buddy, Obama backs India in getting a seat on the U.N. security council.

FAA to Halloween pranksters: "Stop shooting lasers into planes flying overhead! NOT... FUNNY!"

Former Prez George W. Bush says that Dick Cheney was furious with him for not pardoning Plamegate's Scooter Libby, claiming, "I can't believe you left a soldier in the field." I would've said, "Well, I can't believe you shot a friend in the face with a shotgun in the field." Wannabe presidential reverse BURN!

After being suspended for making political donations he believed in, stupid MSNBC will be putting Keith Olbermann back on the air Tuesday.

Obama and Sec. of Defense Gates are urging Congress to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell by the end of the year... when, umm, some unwelcome guests will be taking up residence.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Maybe a shower today and 50, with a rainy Tuesday and squirts of sun returning on Wednesday.

And finally, CONAN O'BRIEN RETURNS TO TV TONIGHT, GUYS! And to show how serious he is about entertaining people, here's his new extended cut American Express commercial.