The reason for my proposal is this: a friend of mine saw Chloë Sevigny out to breakfast this weekend which led me to believe that you guys might be in town doing re-shoots on the movie you were filming here this summer. For those not in the know, the flick is called The Wait, and stars Chloë Sevigny, Jena Malone and my soon to be husband Luke Grimes. Just in case you've never seen a picture of this fine young man (and neither had I until today). Feast your eyes on this!
Luke, here's a few things you need to know about me:
1) I've got a bit of a temper.
2) I am no good if I don't get nine hours of sleep.
3) I'm currently not making any money, so you might have to support me for a while.
4) I need my significant other to be the Freddie Mercury to my Bowie when we're performing Under Pressure at karaoke bars.
5) I'm very loud, I don't really know the meaning of "indoor-voice".
Please let me know if you're okay with all this. If so, my boss Wm.™ Steven Humphrey is ordained and has offered his matrimonial services. And keep in mind that I'm totally open to a divorce after your done with the re-shoots because I've tried long distance relationships before and they're not for me.