You're out at the bars. You're drunk. It's 2 am. The world starts spinning. Suddenly, you're sitting in front of your blurry computer screen, holding a half eaten sandwich and not wearing pants. The world starts spinning again. Suddenly, you're waking up to the harsh afternoon sunlight pouring across your haggard face.

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You get up, put on pants, and sit at your computer. You have a new Facebook comment from your mom. She's disowning you after reading the psychotic filth you posted in your status update last night.

"Noooo!" you shout through your pounding headache. "Why do I have so little self control?" WHY?!"

Because you're a pathetic man-child, that's why. Fortunately for you, there's a new Firefox plug-in that you can download that will stop any future attempts the drunk you makes the screw over the sober you. The application restricts your access to choice Web sites while drunk, by confronting you with a simple question or hand-eye coordination check. If you can't handle it, then maybe it's just time to go to bed.

Thank you, Webroot, for saving us from ourselves.

In other good news; for anyone whose drunken status updates have already lost them all of their friends, a New Zealand Ph.D. student has designed a Web script that can automatically buy users cheap crap on Ebay at random, surprising them with daily dollar-quality presents from around the world.

It's like a whole new kind of masturbation.