Athiests of the world, prepare to suck a big tub of hippo dick—because 11-year-old Colton Burpo... excuse me for just a moment.


I'm back. 11-year-old Colton Burpo went on Fox & Friends to reveal to the world that he visited heaven when he was four-years-old and being operated on for an appendectomy, and now? He and his douchebag dad are writing a book about it. Please, please, please watch this if for no other reason than to hear the wondrously flat Colton Burpo describe how "heaven is like, huge, or whatever, I dunno, can I have a Milky Way bar? No? Whatever. I don't give a shit."

There you go, Athiests! Proof positive that there is a God, and he could smash you like a grape! ON YOUR NON-BELIEVING KNEES, ATHIESTS!! ON YOUR NON-BELIEVING KNEES!!