Four More Years! Obama administration says we will definitely, totally, 100-percent-not-lying pull out of Afghanistan in 2014.

"Don't Ask" Must Die. Democrats think they have the 60 votes necessary to kill the anti-gay policy.

Maybe We Shouldn't Have Tortured the Defendant. In the first trial of a Guantanamo detainee, the jury dropped almost all the charges, in part on account of "coerced confession." Now what will Obama do?

MyFace: Ailing behemoth MySpace set to join forces with Facebook! Now how are internet sluts going to find each other?!?!

The Case of the 1,800 Fetuses: Thai officials discover a mountain of fetuses at a Thai temple, apparently from illegal abortions. None of them appear to be GW Bush's mom's miscarriage.

Ivy League Too Good for Vuvuzelas: To further distance themselves from the commoners, Harvard and Yale ban vuvuzelas at their game.

Twitter Destroys Justice: Britain is trying to figure out how to keep jurors from Tweeting all the damn time.

Harry Potter Set to Make More Money than God: The lil' Potter is opening in 4,000 theaters this weekend.

15 Days for a Death: The drunk driver who ran over musician Kipp Crawford gets a $1,000 fine and 15 days in jail.