Wikileaks leaks some info that the U.S. claims is vital to national security—but this time they say it's really, REALLY VITAL.

Longtime football commentator "Dandy" Don Meredith passes away at the age of 72.

Supreme court justices agree to hear Wal-Mart's appeal in the biggest class action suit in the nation's history.

Bristol Palin disputes Margaret Cho's claim that she was "forced" by Sarah Palin to compete on Dancing with the Stars.

The GOP and Dems are close to an agreement to extend Bush's tax cuts for the wealthy, while Obama squeaks, "Umm... can the middle class have a couple of cuts, too?"

A federal court debates California's homophobic gay marriage ban—but this time, it's TELEVISED.

North and South Korea keeps being North and South Korea-ish.

Facebook gets a facelift... which is what a lot of people/things do when they become insecure about their pending irrelevance.

Today in "You Probably Don't Want to Read This...."

If you happen to give a shit (and you shouldn't), a football game was played this weekend, and some team won it.

Dear Portland criminals: Stop driving your cars into houses. Thank you for your cooperation. Sincerely yours, Wm. Steven Humphrey.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: A bit o' showers today and 47—increasingly MOIST through Thursday.

And finally, TODAY IN FUCKING ASSHOLES: Sarah Palin murders a caribou... to prove something to her daddy?? My hatred for this fucking anus is officially renewed.