President Obama signs the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell—but don't expect everything to suddenly become a trip to the cotton candy factory.

More pretty good news: The Senate is ready to pass a major nuclear arms pact with Russia, handing Obama another score. (Are things actually getting a little better with the Republicans around? JUST KIDDING.)

Today in SHOCK: Republicans look like dicks for going against the 9/11 responders bill.

North Korea launches an all-out propaganda attack on South Korea... using FAXES. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!! Adorable.

Sorry kids—CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED. (In Iraq. Psych.)

Today in "man arrested for posing children with poisonous snakes for his homemade porn videos"—GAH-ROSS!!

Republican Mike Huckabee defends Michelle Obama against Sarah Palin's obesity attack. Ummm... as Admiral Ackbar might say, "IT'S A TRAP!"

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Light off and on rain showers and mid-40s through Xmas.

And finally, Rep. Barney Frank fesses up and admits his RADICAL HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA™. Ha! I knew it!