The ACLU is accusing U.S. prisons in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Guantanamo Bay of abuses including "unjustified homicide." SURPRISE!!

The prime suspect in the Wikileaks whistleblowing case is allegedly being mistreated in prison. SURPRISE!!

Nuclear talks with Iran fail after only two days. QUELLE SURPRISE!!

After a bumpy few months with MSNBC, Keith Olbermann is quitting Countdown. LEGITIMATE SURPRISE!!

A New York youth counselor is accused of sexually abusing two teens. BACK TO SURPRISE!!

Today's worst teacher of the day! Hold on... correction. Today's worst teacher of the day!

In entertainment news, the new Comcast honchos at NBC have decided to pick up the absolutely awful idea presented by Alley McBeal creator David E. Kelley: the Wonder Woman remake.

Oh, and in case you missed Pprtland's most recent watershed moment, Portlandia premiered on IFC last night! If you watched it, be sure to read my bullshit review here, and weigh in with your comments!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Mostly sunny with highs in the low 50s for the next few days. Break out yer thongs, dudes!

And finally, enough with the news already! It's time for a Saturday morning cartoon! This week say hello to the classic '70s live action kids show, Bigfoot and Wildboy! In this exciting episode, a goddamn veiny-headed space alien kidnaps Cindy, and it's up to B-dub to fuck that dude over but good! (That sounded porny. But unfortunately, it's not.)

Still astonished? Here's part two.