I'm a young man suffering from erectile disfunction, and I'm kind of at the end of my tether. I've always been able to minimize the problem because I'm shy in general and have had relatively few sexual partners over the approximately five years I've been sexually active. Of these, I've only been able to maintain a satisfying erection with two. Often I will become erect at first touch, or by simply sharing a romantic glance, but will then grow cold the next moment. I even came up short when it came to the one girl who I was head over heels for, and who I found to be extremely attractive physically. Another thing, I've never been able to achieve climax during intercourse.

You should also know that I'm in good physical condition. I've recently quit smoking, I'm a vegetarian and my main means of transportation are my bicycle and my boots. I know that drinking can interfere with performance, but I've tried being sober during love-making and still failed to perform. I've also used Cialis (prescribed to me) before and experienced only an erratic increase in libido. Masturbation, to my chagrin, has always worked, and I'm afraid it's become a crutch. But I want, above all, a romantic connection with another human being. What do I do?

Anxious Under The Sheets

My response after the jump...


Cycling can cause erectile dysfunction—if your seat isn't properly fitted, or if you cycle constantly, you can squash the nerves and blood vessels that your dick needs to get hard. But if you're not having any trouble "obtaining and maintaining" erections when you beat off, AUTS, then your problem is under your helmet, not on your saddle.

If it's not a physical thing—I hope you had a long talk with a doc and didn't just request a Cialis prescription—then it's clear that your dick doesn't react well to the kind of must-get-hard-now-because-GONNAFUCK pressure it's been under. And now that your dick has failed you a few times, you no longer have any confidence in it. So what can you do when your dick doesn't react well to pressure and isn't living up to your expectations—or your partners—and is consequently a huge disappointment?

You tell the next woman you get involved with that you don't want to rush things—tell her you can't rush things—so being with you means taking things really, really slowly. Tell her that you'll be saving penetrative sex for later and in the meantime you'll spend a lot of time exploring each other's bodies and really learning how to get each other off.

Then masturbate with, on, over, and under her. Mix masturbation with oral and go down on each other but feel free to stroke yourself, and encourage her to touch herself while you go down on her, because there's no law against grabbing your own junk even when you're with someone and if grabbing your own junk helps you keep it up, THEN DO IT.

And then, AUTS, after you've had a few dozen confidence-building orgasms in the presence of another human being (even if they were self-induced), you will start to see your dick as something that works, something that gets hard and stays hard, and not something that's hopelessly broken. With some successes under your belt, and without the pressure of HAVING TO MAINTAIN THIS ERECTION TO FUCK HER!!!! RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THIS IS IT AND NO SECOND CHANCES!!!!!, you'll find erections easier to maintain and with any luck you'll be able to maintain one long enough to fuck.

And if you wind up losing your erection mid-fuck the first, second, third time, or fortieth time you try, AUTS, don't freak out. Just go back to what works—to mutual masturbation, to toys, to oral. Enjoy, get hard again, try again.

Also, pot.