Look...it's kind of you to invite me to your events, and tastings, and dinners, and what have you, but while I have you here, I'd like to make clear that I'll no longer be taking part in meals on the ground. It's 2011, and from here on out, unless you plan on wooing me 50 meters above the Willamette River, don't bother wooing me at all. Since apparently I have to do your job for you, may I direct your attention to Dinner In The Sky, the fanciest, most thrilling dinner party on (or in the general vicinity of) earth. Video here.

This applies as well to anyone who was going to invite me to a dance party or an electric-violin performance.