"Do not confuse the sound of celebratory fireworks for bursts of gunfire." Muammar Qaddafi chartered a tour of Tripoli for foreign reporters, but it didn't turn out like he hoped. Witnesses told how mercenaries have labored to hide the dead and wounded, and other loyalist workers were apparently slow to paint over graffiti calling the daffy ol' colonel a "bloodsucker."

Here's the latest on the other protests/uprisings/revolts, etc. Did you know the Egyptian military now has its own Facebook page?

Anyone who nerds out over Risk already knows this, but Defense Secretary Robert Gates made sure to share with a bunch of West Point cadets: The next adviser who tells an American president to start a land war in Asia ought to "have his head examined."

Looks like two more weeks of life support for a federal government facing shutdown, after a small break in the big-dingus contest between Republicans and Democrats over spending cuts.

After learning that Julian Assange had been invited to the same vague, business-themed conference in Denver (although he obviously can't attend), George W. Bush decided (his, after all, a decider) he ought to cancel his own appearance there. Someone make a joke about this for me. Thanks.

Let's have a discussion! Slate, citing something confusing like "science," posits that men who refuse to grow up and get their shit together have little incentive to do so. Because? Smart, with-it women continue to have sex with those aimless slackers whenever they demand/ask for it. Yea? Or nay?

Three decades ago, Ray Towler—the only black man witnesses say they saw in the park that spring day—was sent to prison for raping a young girl. Except he didn't do it. Finally, after years of patiently insisting on his innocence, he's home. And it's a very different place.

Another snowpocalypse denied: The San Francisco Bay Area waited for its first juicy snowfall in 35 years, but only the highest hills in the city got a faint dusting.

In other weather news, it's clearly a cold day in hell (actually Portland), because, as the O is also reporting, Tonya Harding is now a mom.

Finally, David Wu isn't going to resign any time soon. He denies having a substance abuse problem and won't say what condition he was recently treated for. But he did acknowledge not knowing what kind of pills a donor handed him—pills he then put into his body anyway.