UPDATE 12:15 PM: Charlie Sheen just did a rambling, two-part live, unedited 40 minute interview in his backyard with TMZ. Watch the insanity here. ALSO: Charlie Sheen's publicist quits, so Charlie Sheen fires him. Back to the original post...

As briefly mentioned in GMN, Charlie Sheen went on a media rampage this weekend, promising to grant interviews to ABC first, then screwing them over to talk to NBC. So what? So that means we get TWICE as many nutbag Charlie Sheen quotes! Here are the best of the bunch!

From the NBC interview:

Though he claimed he has been swamped with offers for movies, Sheen said: “I am a man of my word, so I will finish the TV show. I’ll even do season 10, but at this point, [because of] psychological distress, oh, my God, it’s 3 mil an episode.” [Previously it was 2 million per—Hump]

He also again took aim at Alcoholics Anonymous, calling it a failed system developed by a “broken-down fool that was a plagiarist.” He claimed he has conquered his own drug and alcohol problems by the sheer force of his will: “I closed my eyes and made it so.”

On A.A.'s bible:
“It was written for normal people, people that aren’t special. People that don’t have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA.”

“I’m tired of pretending like I’m not special,” Sheen continued. “I’m tired of pretending like I’m not bitching, a total fricking rock star from Mars, and people can’t figure me out; they can’t process me. I don’t expect them to. You can’t process me with a normal brain.”

WOW!! WOW!! WOW!! And trust me, things get even better after the jump!! Here's a taste: "I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen."

From his interview with ABC:

"I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."

On drugs:
"I was banging seven-gram rocks and finishing them, because that's how I roll," he said. "I have one speed. I have one gear. Go."
"I got tiger blood, man," he said. "My brain….fires in a way that is — I don't know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm."

On his all-night party in January that eventually sent him to the emergency room:

"I'm proud of what I've created. It was radical," he said. "I exposed people to magic. I exposed them to something they're never otherwise going to see in their boring, normal lives. And I gave that to them. I may forget about them tomorrow, but they'll live with that memory for the rest of their lives. And that's a gift, man."

Sheen described his partying spree as "epic."

"The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them just look like you know, droopy eyes armless children," he boasted.

Again? Just WOW!! WOW!! WOW!! He's gonna end up killing himself—but it'll be fun to watch! Read all about it here.