So that joint you started smoking right after you woke up? It's making Gaia cry. Growing and rolling just one "marijuana cigarette," a California study finds, is as bad as leaving a 100-watt light bulb burning for 17 hours. Indoor dope growing, overall, is like adding 3 million more cars to the nation's roads.

S'okay, stoners (and actual sick people who really, truly need their sticky-icky). The governor of Montana's got your back.

While you fed your babies salvaged bread crusts in 2008, Goldman Sachs was gleefully burning the large sums of money it made off the financial crisis, according a congressional report that also accuses Goldman Sachs execs of lying their asses off about all the profits. (And yet... sigh.)

Barack Obama really is a pinko, thank god goodness. In his speech on the deficit, the president says we really ought to leave the poorest among us alone. And now it's time for a breakdown.

The United States is content to watch its NATO allies largely fail to stop LIbya's Moammar Qaddafi from beating the shit out of the country's ill-equipped rebels, despite the coalition's ongoing attempts (when they're not too busy killing civilians).

In news about an epic contest I previously had no idea was being waged, Australian horticulturalists have created the world's hottest pepper, the male-stripperifically named Trinidad Scorpion Butch T.

Charged hundreds of dollars to "join" a special military unit, and help their chances at legal immigration, a bunch of Chinese nationals mostly culled from Southern California restaurants, were really only helping a con man live high on the hog.

After more terrifying tales about sleeping air traffic controllers, the fellow in charge of America's tower monkeys has stepped down. Oh, and no more overnight shifts with just one person to peek at the radar, says the FAA.

The censors in China have declared a fatwa against time travel (and any kind of absurdity or fantasy) on screen. But it's not because of plot holes or deus ex machina or paradoxes, etc. It's because rewriting history is the government's job.

Also, science will kill us all.

Also, also, thanks a million Burger King in Japan!