GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! WRING OUT YOUR UNDERPANTS, 'CUZ WE'RE GOING TO PRESS!

Wikileaks leaks a buttload of classified documents—all about Guantanamo Bay. Uh-oh!

The U.S. has threatened sanctions against Syria who has sent troops into the city where their uprising began, and have been firing into people's homes.

In Libya, a NATO airstrike targets Gadhafi's home, and the mothereffer is still alive! (What is it with these despots, and their indestructible homes, and where can I get one?)

A GREAT ESCAPE? At least 480 Taliban prisoners tunnel out of an Afghan prison. Who's playing the Steve McQueen role??

An LAPD helicopter is forced to make an emergency landing when a gunman opens fire on them.

Because they're TEXAS, the state may be stripping away transgender marriage rights.

Attention pedophiles! A very good reason to password protect your wireless router.

Beyonce and Jay-Z have been invited to perform at the royal wedding reception. (No, not their own... Prince William and Kate's!)

One of Charlie Sheen's porn goddesses broke up with him this weekend—via text message. HO! HO! HO!

Locally, six are dead after a tragic house fire in Vancouver, WA.

Washington and Oregon governors have scheduled a press conference this morning to announce their choice for which CRC design will be chosen! Stay tuned for Blogtown's derogatory coverage!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: RAIN.

And finally, Tracy Morgan makes a pretty good argument for internet music piracy.

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AND NOW? GOOD DAY TO YOU, SIR. I SAID "GOOD DAY!!"