How do you write a game review that at various times praises its subject as the best game of the year and begs the audience to stop reading and just play the damn game without descending into endless hyperbole?

Hell if I know. Honestly I'm surprised I didn't spend 330 words comparing Portal 2 to the lovechild of Teddy Roosevelt and Jesus Christ.

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That seems like an Internet thing to do.

Anyway, yes, our glowing Portal 2 review is now live. Enjoy, and if you're already spent the requisite time with the game, feel free to make your own comparisons to nigh-mythical historical figures.