This invention, found at a "Japanese Scientists Need to Concentrate on Cancer" expo, is entitled a "sperm collector"—but I'm pretty sure it has other uses as well. For example, I bet it would be great at shelling pistachios. Or maybe socking somebody in the balls (if you put a boxing glove on it). Or receiving simulated fellatio while watching FOX News. All I know is that I've been doing sperm collection the old-fashioned way for too many years. ME WANTEE!!