In case a billion other people have not told you already, Osama bin Laden was killed in his Pakistan compound yesterday by unidentified American special forces. Now, I'm not saying I was involved in this kill—but. I also was not at Oaks Park yesterday eating cotton candy and riding the Screamin' Eagle. DO YOU GET WHAT I'M DRIVING AT?

Here's footage from ABC News of where bin Laden was killed—if you want to see the blood for yourself. FUN FACT: bin Laden was hiding only 1000 feet from Pakistan's primary military academy. (BTW, Pakistan? You're in fucking trouble.)

So how was Osama finally found? Here's a good wrap-up of the years of detective work involved.

Osama's body has already been dropped into the sea, btw, in accordance with Islamic tradition.

"WAIT... A... SECOND! How are we supposed to be sure it was Osama bin Laden they killed, and not his look-a-like robot?" Here's how.

"BUT... BUT... We're all safe, right? We don't need to freak out about any potential retaliation from al-Qaida... right? RIGHT??" Welllllllllll....

In almost as important news, JUSTIN BIEBER GETS PELTED WITH EGGS ONSTAGE!!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: While yesterday was a perfect day to kill Osama bin Laden, today isn't going to be as great! HOWEVER! If you were going to kill any of the other high ranking al-Qaida members, you might want to do it on Wednesday!

And finally, let's go to the Blogtown Emoti-poll™ to see how you're feeling so far today...