I never thought I would have something interesting to write to you about. I had hoped that if I did, it would be about how I gave the best blow job ever thanks to a tip I learned from you, but it isn't. Oh, the drama.

I'm separated from my husband and had been for a while before I started seeing someone else. My ex-husband and I managed to not drag each other through the mud during our divorce. We're not best friends, but we don't hate each other.

The issue: I slept with my ex-husband again shortly after I started sleeping with the new guy. It was a lapse in my judgement on my part but I didn't think too much of it at the time. Now that it's been a year with the new guy and we're looking a little more serious, my ex keeps hinting that he feels guilty for not letting the new guy know about our last time. He thinks it's his responsibility to tell the new guy because he would want to know if he was in his position. He is blackmailing me, right? I have a feeling this is his way controlling me even after our marriage is over.

I made a stupid, selfish choice, but I'm not entirely sure I want to pay the consequences on this one. What do you think?

Silent Lying Unfaithful Twit

My response after the jump...


There's no time like the present to start hating on your ex-husband. You two may have had a pleasant, mud-free divorce, but he seems determined to wreck your post-divorce relationship.

But I wouldn't describe this as blackmail exactly. A blackmailer usually wants something in exchange for his silence, SLUT, but there isn't anything you could offer your ex-husband to buy his silence. He wants to destroy your new relationship—he doesn't want you to be happy with somebody else—and he's going to tell this guy what happened no matter what you do.

So is it blackmail? No. It's abusive, controlling, asshole behavior.

And here's what you're gonna do about it, SLUT: you're gonna tell your new guy what happened yourself. You're not going to let your ex-husband hold this over your head for one more minute and you're not going to give your ex-husband the satisfaction of telling your new guy himself. Your new guy may be upset—I guess he has some cause to be—but with any luck he's mature enough to recognize that the end of a marriage is an emotionally complicated, hugely messy time in a person's life.