Gwyneth: A Visual Manifestation of What Coldplay Sounds Like (recycled joke)
  • Gwyneth: A Visual Manifestation of What Coldplay Sounds Like (recycled joke)

Danny Gottleib, a local "office drone by day, lazy foodie by night," is taking it upon himself to do something I thought impossible: he's reading Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP newsletter (seriously, Gwyn, stop sending it to me...I promise you I never signed up, and I could give two shits about nourishing my inner aspect). Also, he's attempting—Julie-and-Julia style—to master the art of celeb cooking. Over the next nine months, Gottleib will attempt to create every recipe in Paltrow's new cookbook, My Father’s Daughter: Delicious, Easy Recipes Celebrating Family & Togetherness. You can follow his journey toward Family & Togetherness on his blog.

Who would you like to see play Gwyneth in the forthcoming film adaptation?

Rules and regulations after the jump...

I must complete every recipe in “My Father’s Daughter” within nine months from the starting point. (Julie Powell, of course, did “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” in a year, and she had over 500 recipes to complete. I have a mere 150, some of which contain only two ingredients. But I’m lazy, so I’m giving myself a more leisurely pace, at one recipe every two days. Plus, nine months is such a concise, motherly period of time, of which I think Gwynnie would approve.)

Recipes do not have to be completed in order. Otherwise I will be eating straight-up vegetable and chicken stock for the first week.

I must strive to stay as close to the original recipe as possible. Forgoing imported Spanish olive oil with flakes of gold in it will be allowed, but only after I put in a respectable effort to purloin said olive oil with flakes of gold. (Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge, Gwyneth does not include any recipes that call for olive oil with flakes of gold. Yet.) However, cheaply and lazily buying Safeway-brand bacon in lieu of ordering D’Artagnan duck bacon (it’s “out of this world,” as Gwyneth says) will not be allowed.