GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! GET OUT YER THONGS 'CUZ IT'S GONNA BE A HOTTIE! Let's go to press.

While conservative dickholes thank waterboarding (with an teensy-weensy bit of help from Obama) brought down Osama bin Laden, they are, as usual, WRONG.

In a surprise move that will shock the shit into your pants, Obama's numbers have shot up from 46 percent to 57 percent after the assassination of Osama bin Laden.

Pakistan is pissed by accusations that they were either "involved or incompetent" in their seemingly ongoing ignorant involvement with Osama bin Laden.

Not that anybody really seems to care, but Osama bin Laden was unarmed at the time of his death. Oh, and his 12-year-old daughter watched him die.

Gore lovers celebrate! According to the CIA, death photos of bin Laden will probably be released. (And by the way, accept no imitations.)

Obama invites George W. Bush to join him in a ceremony at Ground Zero on Thursday to mark the death of bin Laden. BUSH REFUSES THE INVITATION. Huh. Weird.

In the BLOGTOWN WORLD OF SPORTING™: San Jose hands the Timbers their first loss at home, with a final score of 1-0. Read Brian's exciting live blog coverage HERE!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: A balmy 70 degrees today, though cooler and only occasionally cloudy for the rest of the week!

And finally, President George W. Bush addresses the nation on the death of… well, you know.