From the I, Anonymous mailbag. Submit your complaint/confession here!

To the not-so-classy couple a short step away from a public indecency ticket in the park, get a fucking room. I was trying to relax, soak up the rare Portland sun on a gorgeous day, and you had to come, lay your blanket directly in front of my own, and spend hours grunting and groping one another. Your over exaggerated P.D.A. made me sick to my stomach. Trust me, I tried my best to ignore you, listen to music, mind my own business, but you refused let up. I anticipated the moment that an unsuspecting pooch might come your way and mistake you for his own personal fire hydrant. Did you think that made people jealous, or was it a cover because you lack any real substance together. All I know is that in no way was that 'cute', it was the most trashy, classless display you could have put on. Next time, take your fucking pre-cum soaked blanket and American Apparel V-necks to another park, because if it happens again believe me I won't hold myself back from strutting right past and hawking a loogie headed on a course straight for your face.— I, Anonymous