When their publicist told me that the Trailer Park Boys would be in character for our interview I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. I turned to the readers of Blogtown and y'all helped me out of that jam. Thanks. Your questions and more in my conversation with Ricky and Bubbles:.
Ricky: Hey man, it's Ricky. I'm here with Bubbles.
TONRY: WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?
Ricky: We're in Sunnyvale.
IN SUNNYVALE? STILL THERE, HUH? IT A PLACE YOU THINK YOU'LL EVER LEAVE?
Ricky: Never man. It's home.
BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE SHIT ABOUT LAHEY HAS GIVEN YOU OVER THE YEARS? YOU NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT SPLITTIN'? WAS IT EVER AN OPTION? A LOT OF TIMES YOU GUYS WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT IF THAT DRUNK OLD BASTARD HAND'T FUCKED WITH YOU GUYS.
Bubbles: Well if we leave he kind of wins, right? We're very stubborn bastards.
SO I'M CURIOUS ABOUT YOUR LIFE ON THE ROAD NOW. IS TOURING AND PUTTING ON LIVE SHOWS SOMETHING YOU GUYS EVER THOUGHT YOU'D BE DOING?
Bubbles: Not really. The first time we did it it was called the "Community Service Variety Tour" and we were sentenced to do it by the judge. We were forced to but we kind of enjoyed it. So this time it's the "Drunk High and Unemployed Tour."
HOW DO YOU GUYS SPEND IT? WHAT SHOULD PEOPLE EXPECT?
Bubbles: It's two hours of non-stop fun, really. It's almost like going to an old vaudeville show except there's a lot of dope and liquor involved.
DOES EVERYONE WHO COMES TO THE SHOWS TRY TO GET HIGH AND FUCKED UP WITH YOU GUYS?
Bubbles: Most people that arrive at the auditorium are very intoxicated and/or very high. It's easier to deal with people in that state, I find, because you know, they're gigglin' and whatnot.
WHAT'S LIFE LIKE ON THE ROAD? HOW DO YOU FIND THE U.S.? YOU'VE BEEN ALL AROUND IT NOW.
Bubbles: Have you ever heard the song I do called "Liquor and Whores?" Well that's what life is like on the road.
Ricky: It's pretty cool. Most people are just like Canadians—they like to get real drunk and high. So it's good that way. The one big difference I notice is the flag. It's definitely not the same as ours.
YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN TO PORTLAND, I BELIEVE. ANY MEMORIES?
Bubbles: Yeah, we have. We've been there two times. The last time we played there was a little bit scary. We were at the theater in the afternoon doing sound-check and somebody got shot right next door. Shot and killed.
Bubbles: I'm not even kidding. It was probably a block away.
BUT YOU'RE COMING BACK, SO I GUESS IT WASN'T THAT BIG A DEAL?
Bubbles: It wasn't that big a deal. I mean, I've been around gun-play my whole life. It's just different to see people other than Ricky and Julian blasting guns off.
WHERE IS JULIAN?
Bubbles: He's here. He's got his shirt and underwear off, I don't know why.
OK, I'VE GOT A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS FROM OUR READERS THAT I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU GUYS. THE FIRST ONE, THIS IS FOR RICKY. THE GUY WANTS ADVICE ON THE FASTEST POSSIBLE WAY TO GET DRUNK AS FUCK.
Ricky: The fastest possible way to get drunk as fuck is to do a shot of whiskey every minute for an hour and every 15 minutes smoke a canon.
Bubbles: I disagree.
Ricky: What do you say, Bubs?
Bubbles: I've seen Mr. Lahey, when he wants to get really drunk he makes liquor-ball sandwiches. You just pour a bunch of liquor onto the bread and roll it into a ball and fire it in your head. Eat about 20 of those and you are wasted.
WHAT IS YOU GUYS' PARTICULAR DRINK OF CHOICE?
Bubbles: I like tequila myself. Nice tequila.
Ricky: I like Jack Daniels.
HERE'S ANOTHER READER QUESTION: HOW MUCH CAN I EXPECT TO GET FOR A GOOD BBQ AT THE FLEA MARKET?
Ricky: You can usually get one from anywhere from $25 to $50 bucks, depending on the condition and how hot it is.
AT THE PEAK OF HIS DRINKING, HOW MUCH WAY MR. LAHEY PUTTING BACK EVERY DAY?
Bubbles: I saw him put down seven quarts between noon and midnight. That's a lot of liquor when you break it down by volume per hour.
HOW DO YOU MAKE SWISH?
Bubbles: Swish? Well you buy an old barrel that they used to store rum in. You get the old barrels from the liquor companies and the liquor is soaked right into the wood so you just fill it up with water and you leave it. You go out and turn it every day or two and after about a month all that liquor soaks back out of the wood and you've got some old shitty—it looks like dishwater—but boy will it ever get yourself hammered.
BUBBLES, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE NEW PLASTIC SHOPPING CARTS THAT SOME STORES ARE USING?
Bubbles: Well, I have mixed feelings about them. I mean, they're definitely not as aesthetically pleasing to look at. I like the look of the chrome ones. But I mean, they do hold up underwater. You throw one under water and virtually nothing happens to it. Like I said, I have mixed feelings on them. I don't think they're going to revolutionize the industry the way Isaac Birdkoff thought they would, the creator of the plastic shopping cart. But, you know, it's interesting. I think it's one of the most interesting things to happen in the 20th century and I'm waiting to see how it's going to play out...
THIS ONE IS FOR RICK: HAS YOUR GRADE 10 SERVED YOU WELL? DO YOU EVERY THINK ABOUT GOING BACK TO SCHOOL?
Ricky: Well I got my Grade 12 now. It wasn't totally legal the way I did it, but I have it.
HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Ricky: Well I took the test, but now you've got to do them at home and they can't really tell if it's you 'cause it's on the computer. I mean, I have it, but it wasn't really my brain that got it. But with a Grade 12 you can work for NASA or any of those people. So it's pretty much as far as I can go, I think.
WHAT DO YOU GUYS FEEL LIKE HAS BEEN YOUR GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT?
Bubbles: Mine personally would probably be jumping Rubberneck Gorge. There's a gorge up here near Sunnyvale Trailer Park. It's about 40 feet wide and I jumped it on my go-cart. That's probably my crowning achievement in life. I built the ramp, 48-degree ramp. I cleared out the woods so I could get more speed up and I got a crash-suit and a helmet on and I jumped her just like Evel Knievel.
THAT SURE BEATS RANDY TRYING TO JUMP THE CHEESEBURGER.
Bubbles: Ohhh, that was the lamest jump I've ever seen.
WHAT ABOUT YOU RICK? WHAT'S YOUR GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT? YOUR CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT?
Ricky: I think it was probably the hash driveway. I thought that was brilliance.
YOU GUYS HAVE COME SO CLOSE TO PULLING IT OFF, SCHEMING OR DOING A DEAL, OR GETTING THAT BIG SCORE THAT WOULD MAKE YOU RICH SO MANY TIMES AND AT THE LAST SECOND YOU ALWAYS SEEM COME UP JUST SHORT. I WONDER IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT'S EVER GOING TO COME TRUE?
Ricky: It's coming. The problem in the past has been Julian's been running the show. And, you know, Julian's not that bright and he always screws things up and we end up in jail. So from now on I'm going to run the show. Or my dad.
WE TALKED ABOUT BIGGEST FAILURES. WHAT ABOUT YOUR BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENTS?
Ricky: I think being a millionaire for ten minutes kind of sucked. That was Julian's fault. That was my biggest disappointment—that and Lucy banging my dad. That was a pretty big disappointment. I wasn't shocked, but it surprised me a bit.
Bubbles: Probably my biggest disappointment was the first time I tried to jump Rubberneck Gorge. That went horribly wrong. I tried to do it on a BMX but I didn't have the speed and I made her about half-way across then I went right into the gorge. I went over the handlebars, my teeth went through my lip, my glasses went up my arse. It was a horrible crash.
I'VE HEARD, BUBBLES, THAT IN TOURS PASSED YOU'VE CHALLENGED MEMBERS OF THE AUDIENCE TO HAVE A GUITAR SHREDDING CONTEST WITH YOU. IS THAT SOMETHING YOU'RE STILL DOING?
Bubbles: Yes, I'm still very much into the shredding. Well, I don't know. It's going to depend on if I can get my flying 'V' out of the pawn shop.
Ricky: (in the distance tells Bubbles he's not going to be doing any shredding)
YOU GUYS HAVE ALWAYS WORKED OFF THE GRID. I WONDER IF THE FINANCIAL CRISIS AND ECONOMIC DOWNTURN HAS MADE LIFE MORE DIFFICULT FOR YOU GUYS?
Bubbles: Not really. I mean, everything we do, we're pretty much under the radar as far as the economic system goes. It doesn't really effect us. The price of gas goes up and down but Ricky steals all our gas. The price of cigarettes or the price of this and that, it doesn't really matter when most of your stuff is stolen.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE?
Bubbles: Like my bucket-list? Jeeze... There's a lot of stuff I want to do. I want to go bungee jumping naked with a little midget. I'd love to do that. Naw, I'm just joking.
I've already played with with Rush and Guns & Roses. Let's see... I'd like to go to space. I want to be a spaceman, obviously. That would be my first pick.
Ricky: I'd go to space with Bubbles and get high. That would be cool. I'd also like to have two hundred acres of weed growing somewhere—just once in my life, to have that much.
RICK, IN A LOT OF PLACES WEED HAS BECOME ALMOST LEGAL, BEING SOLD IN SHOPS AND I WONDER HOW THAT AFFECTS YOUR BUSINESS?
Ricky: Well it kinda sucks for people like me. It's great for people who are trying to get weed. But for someone like me who's trying to make a living selling it, it's really screwing things up.
SO WOULD YOU RATHER WEED BE LEGAL OR NOT? IF YOU HAD TO, HOW WOULD YOU VOTE?
Ricky: I think it's better, because it's stupid to put people in jail for a little bit of weed for christ's sake. But people still come to me because my weed is better than that stuff you can get at shops. It's a catch-23 man, I don't know the answer to that.